He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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