dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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