In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
