Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
