how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
