Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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