Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
