i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
