Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Randomize
