Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
