I can tuck mytits in my pants
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
how does that bad decision feel?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
