the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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