my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
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