billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booty called her while she was in labor.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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