with your own penis?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
