two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
