I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Randomize
