did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
