just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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