I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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