Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
