I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
