I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
