He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
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Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
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I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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