Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
