3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
