i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
