There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
