proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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