Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
