you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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