I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
