So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
