Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
