I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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