Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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