I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
