Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
