so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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