I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
