clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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