There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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