she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
