I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize