Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
are you so shy because you have an std?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
