Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
