I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
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