alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
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The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
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I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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