Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
me + whiskey = a bad person
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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