Please, let me fuck your mom
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
