What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
