theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
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Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
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Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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