How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
