I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
