I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
