Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
