so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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