he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
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Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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