Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
