hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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