My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
