It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
It's rum buckets o'clock
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
