Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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