Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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