I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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