So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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