How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
