Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
