Don't make out with my wife yet
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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