After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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