I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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