C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
