new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize