I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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