She's JV to your varsity
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
